There and back again - Pool Edition 11/9/11

Third day at the pool!

I will admit that I wasn't really up to it today and had it been just up to me, I wouldn't have gone. It was good that I had to go because of mom.

No boobie exposure today! Everything was secured and in place today!

1/2 mile in laps. Slow and steady wins the race.

72.5/967 Journey to Lonely Mountain
72.5/1934 There and Back Again

The Road Goes Ever On and On ...

There and Back Again 11/8/11

It has been a few weeks, but J and I went on our walk again. We walked sans doggies, as we met after a meeting that she had to go to early in the morning. We walked for about 45 - 50 minutes and went for two miles. It felt like it was at a better pace then we did last time, though I am not positive on that.

It is probably one of the last walks we will get to do outside before we have to move inside to the mall, but it was AWESOME to be able to be outside for a little while.

72/967 Journey to Lonely Mountain
72/1934 There and Back Again

The Road Goes Ever On and On ...

There and back again - Pool Edition 11/7/11

2nd day at the pool!

I will say that I am beginning to understand why I didn't go back to swimming the few times I was at the pool after my back surgery. I DEFINITELY felt the pain in my shoulder after the last swim. Part of it was probably doing too much on the first day, but part of it is that I have a labrum tear that I haven't dealt with yet. I guess I had forgotten that the tear and the bone spurs in my rotator cuff affect my swimming. I am going to try and not let it stop me, though. I am enjoying the swimming too much.

So today I worked on using a variety of strokes rather than focusing so much on the crawl stroke. I find I can do the back stroke without it causing me too much pain and a lot of kicking. It isn't quite the exercise regimen I would like, but if I work on it and don't over exert my shoulder, I should be ok.

I did have something entertaining happen at the pool today. My swimsuit fits me well pretty much everywhere, but in my chest. It was obviously made by a man, because they didn't think about the fact that a woman who is as big as I am, is going to have a rather large chest. AND for some dumb ass reason, it does not have cross straps in back for better support. I mean who creates a swim suit like that????

But I am digressing here ...

Anyway, the swimsuit is not that supportive and I really should be wearing a sports bra with the suit, but I don't currently have one that is big enough. So though I knew I needed one after Friday's session, I didn't wear one today ... AND ironically, as I am doing the breast stroke ... My right boob comes out of the swim suit! Thankfully I was at the other end of the pool from ... EVERYONE and was able to slip it back in. Needless to say, I didn't do anymore breast stroke today and WILL be better supported on Wednesday!

Mom actually went today, she was really tired and hurting after wards, so we will see if she continues. But I WILL continue, whether she is there or not.

Another .5 mile today!

70/967 Journey to Lonely Mountain
70/1934 There and Back Again

The Road Goes Ever On and On ...

Back in the pool!

From 2001 - 2005, when I was on the weight journey, I lost almost all of it through swimming and weight watchers. I LOVE swimming. I mean I LOVE it, LOVE it, LOVE it! I got to the point that I was swimming for 2 plus hours a day and it was truly a way to just be and escape from everything. It helped me get through the time after the ugly split, it got me through the time in Purgatory, and all sorts of time being unemployed. It was not just exercise but a pleasure.

As I started to go to school for massage, I found that it was difficult for me to find the time to go. At the same time, pain in my shoulder started to increase and as I needed to be able to work, that meant swimming less. Eventually I had back surgery and that took me out of the pool completely and I really never returned. I mean I pretended to return, I went a couple weeks here, a couple of weeks there, but never really returned and lost the love.

Flash forward to the present ... My mother is going to be having knee surgery in January of next year and to prepare for it, she is going to PT twice a week to get stronger and the PT person wants her to go to the pool twice a week and do a movement class for seniors. So to make sure that she went, I agreed to take her and that I would swim laps during her class.

Which means ...

I WENT TO THE POOL TODAY!!!

Ahh the love is back. Man I missed the water.

I didn't think I would do much, since it was my first day back in the pool but I did 1/2 a mile! Woohooo!!!


66.5/967 Journey to Lonely Mountain
66.5/1934 There and Back Again

The Road Goes Ever On and On ...

Ever On ...

I have not been doing anything in about two months. To be honest, I have had a bit of a stumble and it has been hard to pull myself up and move on again. It has been a very very BIG struggle to continue on since my father passed, but the sucker punch was actually finding out that I may not be eligible for the surgery due to a stupid rule of having to have over 5 years of medical records that show I have been obese. I don't have 5 years of medical records, because I worked to lose the weight, but was unable to keep it off and am back up close to where I started. I feel like I am being smacked for trying to do something myself.

So, I felt sorry for myself, I stopped exercising, I stopped watching what I was eating closely, and other than just weighing myself and making comments about "watching what I was eating" and trying to make digs at myself, I really haven't done anything at all. INCLUDING verifying that I am actually screwed by this rule.

So its time to stop the moping, pick myself up by my big girl panties, figure out a plan and go forward.

Can a Phoenix have a rebirth in the middle of their rebirth?

There and Back Again 8/6/11

Stop the presses! I made it to the Gym two days in one week! AND today was at 9 am on a Saturday! I think I need to be committed.

Tink and I had plans to do aquarbics, but she couldn't find her swimsuit, (class ended up being canceled anyway) so we did the treadmill for 30 minutes and covered 1.2 miles. I followed that up with a trip to Costco where I did .75 miles, for a total of 1.95 miles.

45/967 Journey to Lonely Mountain
45/1934 There and Back Again

The Road Goes Ever On and On ...

There and Back Again 8/2/11

I MADE IT BACK TO THE GYM!!!

Ok so it was nearly 3 weeks ago that I said that it was time for me to get back to it on a regular basis. But I did have an incredibly good excuse in that I was very very very sick.

Being sick for three weeks did point out to me the necessity of taking care of myself. I haven't been doing that properly, since all of the family and emotional stuff happened. So, per my agreement with myself, I have gone back to the gym. It hurt. I was upset because it felt like I was leaving Dad behind. But he wouldn't want me to stop everything because of him. So I continued into the Gym and met my friend "Tink".

Tink and I did the treadmill for about 30 minutes and covered about 1.4 miles. Much slower than I would care for, but ... at least it was something and really the best speed for now. So ...

43.05/967 Journey to Lonely Mountain
43.05/1934 There and Back Again

On the Road Again ... And the Road Goes Ever On and On ...

There and Back Again 7/5/11

It has been a few weeks, but we went on our walk again. I need to make this more regular. I have been resisting starting anything regular since my father died. I suppose its the last bit of me that is returning to a normal schedule and it feels totally wrong; like it somehow dishonors him. But it is time that I do just that.

Today's walk was for nearly twice as long as the last time. 4 miles total. No doggies, just lots of talking.

41.65/967 Journey to Lonely Mountain
41.65/1934 There and Back Again

Official Weigh-in June

Weight: 306.6
BMI: 51.0

There and Back Again 6/21/11

My walking partner and I went to our summer trail. This one has a bit more shade for days that are hot, since I don't like a lot of sun and to get overheated when I am working out. Since I figured out that I can download an app on my IPhone that uses GPS to track my mileage, I actually have an acurate count of how much we are walking! Totally awesome!!!

2.25 Miles!

37.65/967 Journey to Lonely Mountain
37.65/1934 There and Back Again

There and Back Again 6/13/11

I took Shilo out for a walk on a local trail and was able to clock 1.4 miles! It was a bit slow because of Munchikin's need to sniff and piddle on everything!

35.4/967 Journey to Lonely Mountain
35.4/1934 There and Back Again

Official Weigh-in Pre-Reset

Weight: 309.4
BMI: 51.41

Restart

I am starting the Usana "Restart" program tomorrow. The idea behind it is that it resets your cravings for chocolate and carbohydrate with a five day intensive program. I have to say that I am intrigued, but worried at the same time. While I really like the idea of resetting my body, I have already started doing what most people do when they start a restrictive diet. I had several "last hoorahs" in the last few days to make up for it. So I have probably gained a few pounds in "prepping" for my restart. Thus the restart wont actually gain me anything.

But the pounds don't matter. What matters is that I get restarted; that the phoenix goes through another rebirth. I have been on hold for the last two months and its time that I begin again. It is time to be reborn.

So tomorrow I RESTART.

What is restart? Well its basically an expensive version of Slimfast, as far as I can tell. You replace meals with calorie controlled and nutritionally packed shakes and bars, as well as vitamin packs. In the morning, I have a shake and a pack of vitamins. Mid morning, I have a snack of either a Peanut Butter Crunch Nutrition Bar or an Oatmeal Raisin Nutrition Bar. Then lunch is another shake, with another nutritional bar as a snack. And finally a shake for dinner. I also get to have a serving of fruit, as well as a serving of vegetables.

I am armed with most of what I need, though as I am reading through the information, I realized that I did not take enough shakes with me. I am at my mother's house this evening, through tomorrow afternoon/evening, but I should be ok with a slight modification of the plan. I will have the PM shake as a desert of sorts and my evening meal will be a good amount of vegetables.

I believe to do this right, I am not supposed to put anything on the vegetables and the list of what is acceptable is pretty small for both the vegetables and the fruit. But to be honest, if I am going to be successful, then I will have to widen the list of vegetables a bit, and have a small bit of flavor.

The plan does allow for an additional serving of vegetables of fruit if I "get light headed", but I think I will add it in anyhow so that I don't get so hungry that I end up falling into a vat of chocolate. So my program is going to have a small amount of veggies during lunch with the shake, as well as a good size amount with dinner. The fruit will then be my desert.

So on the docket for tomorrow, a trip to the veggie stand right after my walk with Munchkin'

Here is to success!

There and Back Again 6/7/11

We went on another walk down by the River, and this time we took our dogs with us. Because we had the four-leggeds and I had a brief amount of time, we only did one section that was 1.5 miles. Hopefully we can do better next time. I want to get back to the 3 - 4 miles that we used to do.

34/967 Journey to Lonely Mountain
34/1934 There and Back Again

March official Weigh-in

Today was the official weigh-in for March. I didn't do quite as smashingly as last time, but wonderfully none-the-less.

Weight: 307.0
BMI: 51.1

In two months I have a total loss of 7.4 pounds. That is freaking fantastic! Especially with the stress going on in my life right now. I am more than happy with my progress.

There and Back Again 3/15/11

3.15 Miles on the Road today. I have really slowed down. I haven't been to the gym in a week. That needs to change and needs to change now!

31/967 Journey to Lonely Mountain
31/1934 There and Back Again

There and Back Again 3/8/11

It was a slower walk today. I think I was out of oomph and strolled more than I actually walked, but at least I did it! 3.5 miles managed.

27.85/967 Journey to Lonely Mountain
27.85/1934 There and Back Again

Zuuuuuumba

Oh holy HELL! That last Zumba class had NOTHING on this Zumba class!

This one wasn't fun and was harder than hell. So hard that Cathy and I left after 30 minutes because we just couldn't take it anymore. I am very very very glad that that wasn't my first Zumba class because I probably would never have taken another one, had that been my first.

1 measly little mile.

24.35/967 Journey to Lonely Mountain
24.35/1934 There and Back Again

There and Back Again 3/1/11

Quick Mileage check in ...

4 miles during weekly walk.

23.35/967 Journey to Lonely Mountain
23.35/1934 There and Back Again

Second Official Weigh-in

Today was the second official Weigh in for the 6 month doctor monitored weight loss. I am quite pleased with the progress if I do say so myself. If I could do this every month, not only will I easily loose the 10% for the surgery, but I would be a much happier person overall!

Weight: 310.4
BMI: 51.6

Not bad if I do say so myself!

This just in (part 2 ) ...

Zumba is HAAAAAAARD!

And kicked my ass today. I can barely move.

I.AM.SO.TIRED!

It was a ton of fun. I haven't had that much fun working out in a long time, but wowzers! It was haaard.

Counting 2 miles for the hour class. When I don't have to stop so much, I will count 3.

19.35/967 Journey to Lonely Mountain
19.35/1934 There and Back Again

This just in ...

Cycling, no longer an exercise option.

Unfortunately, my hip pain SKYROCKETED after cycling at the Gym yesterday. So that tells me, that I need to limit the cycling and stick to walking. That seems to help my hip pain a lot.

Bummer.

There and Back Again 2/15/2011

These updates on the miles are quick, but kind of boring. I suppose I should find some comical, fun, witty way to say "Hey I went to the Gym". I know that for some it may not be a big deal, but for me it is a huge deal and I want to give myself credit, so that I continue. So till I find a better way to update and give myself little check marks for going to the gym, boring updates is what you get.

Today I actually did two workouts. I went walking at the mall in the morning and then met Cathy at the Gym later in the day. Go me! We did 3 miles in our walk in the morning; and in the evening Cathy and I decided to try cycling instead of walking. So while we were only at it for 20 minutes, we got 4.5 miles in for a total of 7.5 miles for the day.

17.35/967 Journey to Lonely Mountain
17.35/1934 There and Back Again

There and Back Again 2/14/2011

I was able to do 40 minutes at the gym today and succeeded in doing 2 - 18 minute miles. Since that is what Cathy's daughter has to do to be able to pass gym, I thought it only fitting that I work towards that goal too. I pushed pretty hard to be able to manage it, and think I need to work up to it so that I am not then out of it for the rest of the day.

9.85/967 Journey to Lonely Mountain
9.85/1934 There and Back Again

There and Back Again 2/12/2011

Quick Mileage post... 1 mile on the treadmill. Baby steps right?

8.75/967 Journey to Lonely Mountain
8.75/1934 There and Back Again

Made it to the gym today!

My friend Cathy and I met at the gym today for our first big meet up after we joined. We tried the elliptical trainer, on Cathy's request, but I only lasted about 3 minutes before I had to bail and go to the treadmill. How in the hell do people do that for longer? That think is TORTURE! NEVER.AGAIN.

Managed a good 1.5 miles today. It is a lot more fun when I am with someone and can talk during the whole time. I need to build stamina, so I can talk and breathe and not feel like I am going to die, but definitely more fun!

7.75/967 Journey to Lonely Mountain
7.75/1934 There and Back Again

There and Back Again 2/8/11

Added 4 Miles today on the Journey to Lonely Mountain. Feel Good!

6.25/967 Journey to Lonely Mountain - Goal 12/2012
6.25/1934 There and Back Again - Goal 12/2013

The Road Goes Ever on and on ...

Since I joined a gym on Saturday, I had to make sure that I got good use of it. So here it is, two days later and I am back! Awesome streak! Twice in three days. I am pumped.!

So since I am back at the gym, I am also back on the Walk to Rivendell. The last time I was tracking my exercise miles, I had made it to Rivendell and then beyond, having traveled all the way to Mt. Doom and back to the Grey Havens, following in Frodo's footsteps the whole way. So now that I am back on the road, and it just so happens that the Hobbit is going to start filming this month, I feel it is time for me to travel not just to Rivendell again, but to the Lonely Mountain. Perhaps join Bilbo, Thorin and Gandalf in their adventures!

So in that vein, here is another 1.25 miles to add to the 1 mile on Saturday. Total miles to the Lonely Mountain - 967 miles; Round trip is 1934. Goal will be to get to the Lonely Mountain by the release of the Hobbit in December of 2012; and back again by the release of the second movie in December of 2013!

2.25/967 Journey to Lonely Mountain
2.25/1934 There and Back Again

Joined LA Fitness

I joined LA Fitness today. I went to check it out with a friend and we both ended up joining. Is it the smartest financial decision in the world? Not really, as the smartest would be to get a good treadmill and just workout at home. It would eventually be cheaper than the gym. But, if this motivates then who the hell cares what is financially prudent?

So gym it is! Must get moving!

The Plan is to be at the gym three times a week, minimum. I can't swim right now because of my shoulder, so that takes that out. But I can walk and I can cycle. I don't care one wit about working out on the machines. I hate them and while I might build muscle, if I hate them, then I wont do them. So walk and cycle it will be. I am back on the road!

Starting today, 1 mile.

First Official Weigh In

So here we are for the first official Weigh-in! It is hard for me to accept that I have gained almost all that I worked so hard to lose before back, but I have. So rather than wallowing in self-pity about it, it is time to do something about it!

Today's official weight:
Weight: 314.6
BMI: 52.3

And now the journey begins officially!

I made the call

to the insurance company today to find out about the possibility of weight loss surgery under our new plan. I had looked into it last year, but our insurance company didn't cover it. Since we got switched to a new insurance this year, I thought I would check into it to see what my options were and wether that door was open to me now.

It turns out that it is a possibility!

Now I don't know weather or not this is the route that I want to go, but it is an option that I want to explore. I have been fighting with my weight since I was 11. And I truly think that while even surgery wont be a simple answer and I will still have to fight for the rest of my life, that in the end I need more specific help and a definite solution. And that surgery maybe it.

So I did it, I called. And I have information being sent to me, as well as a call with a bariatric nurse scheduled for the first of February. I already know what weight loss center I want to use, and I think I am going to look into going to one of their seminars before the meeting with the nurse, so that I am more informed for the call.

Possibilities!

What path do I take?

Since I have been here before, walked the path, had some successes, but ultimately ended up back where I started, one must ask the question, where do I begin this time? What path do I take? Where do I start?

Well those are questions that I don't have the answer to.

I don't want to do weight watchers again. At least not in the sense of ever giving them one more dime of my money. I could have a discussion about doing a program that is Weight Watchers-esque, but I absolutely refuse ... refuse ... REFUSE to give them one more cent. You might say that I have WW issues.

So, where does that leave me? What do I do? What program do I try?

Honestly, I don't know. I am not sure where to start.

I know I need to make changes. I know that what I need to do is stop emotionally eating, and stop letting the chocolate run my life, and to control my portion sizes, and to journal, and just do what I know what is right to do. I had done it for 6 years! Why do I need a "program"? After all I lived it, I should be able to just do. But for some reason, it just isn't that easy.

I guess this time, I need more. I need more that what I did before. I just don't know what.

The end is the beginning

I have been here before.

The view is nothing new.

But the path, the road, and the journey I have chosen to take is different.

I may stumble, I may fall ...

But this time I will rise

And continue on the road that is before me.

And this time ... this time, I will fly.

From the ashes …

From the ashes, a phoenix shall rise …

I was so excited to finally be going in Hogwarts Castle and FINALLY go on the Forbidden journey ride!

We had been at Universal Studios and Disney World for a week and every time we had gone into Hogsmeade and even looked at the Forbidden Journey Ride, there was a wait time of at least 90 mintues if not longer. So, on our very very last day, we left the place we were staying bright and early and headed to the park with the very intention of the first thing we do was hit Hogwarts Castle and the Forbidden Journey Ride.

The time was 45 minutes so … Woohooo! We get in line and start towards the castle. As we got the front of the castle, I got in the seat tester. I am big. I am very big. And I knew that there was a good chance I wouldn’t be able to go on the ride because I wouldn’t fit. I wanted to know before waiting the full time and before getting excited. So … I sit down and bring down the restraints. The come down, cover my boobs and I felt like I fit. So … Woohooo!!! And into the castle we go…

From the ashes, a phoenix shall rise …

We travel through the castle and I get to see the potions room, walk through Herbology, Dumbledore in his office; as well as see Hermione, Ron and Harry in the History of Magic classroom. And then … then … comes the ride.

From the ashes, a phoenix shall rise …

As I get close to the ride a gentleman who works in Hogwarts asks if I have ever been on the ride before, I say no, and he asks me to come over and try the test seat. This doesn’t surprise me at all, I figured I would have to prove that I could fit in the ride, so I sit down and he pulls down the safety restraints …

This is where I find that while it’s great that they have the seat for you at the beginning of the ride to test, but it does very little good if there isn’t someone there to tell you if the restraints are all the way down. I had brought them down, crushed my boobs, felt I was good. Well apparently I wasn’t. There was a certain place it was to come down and I was too large for the seat.

To the gentleman’s credit, he tried everything to allow me to go. He pushed, he heaved, he tried to crush me, he even leaned against it, all in front of everyone behind me in line, but to no avail, I was too large. He then says “You’re too big, you can’t go, leave the queue.”

From the ashes, a phoenix shall rise …

My dear sweet husband, the Dwarf Slayer, was also asked to sit in the seat and while large, he was told he could go on a modified seat and was ushered back into line with his son, the Little Dwarf Warrior. I was left to wonder what I was to do and eventually asked the oh-so-kind gentleman and he gruffly pointed to a door and said “go in and wait there.” I fight back tears, force a smile on my face, wave at the Little Dwarf Warrior and my Dwarf Slayer and go through the door to find myself unceremoniously deposited at the end of the ride.

From the ashes, a phoenix shall rise …

I think the ride lasted 10 – 12 minutes and the entire time, I fought the tears that were coming unbidden to my eyes as streams of happy, excited people disembarked the ride, stared at me, and then went into the gift shop. Eventually, after what seemed an eternity, my Dwarf Slayer and the Little Dwarf Warrior got off the ride and I could see the excitement in the Little Warrior’s eyes. While sweet, it was like a knife inside the already deep wound that I was not allowed to be apart of this fun, that I was not allowed to join in, that I was denied the one and only thing I had wanted to do on this entire trip.

Little Dwarf Warrior immediately started to ask why I didn’t go on the ride and why I was so upset and why I was so quiet. I was then left with having to explain to this 7 ½ year old, that his step-mother was too heavy to go on the ride and that sometimes heavy people don’t have the same opportunities as those who are not as heavy. Could this get any worse? Having to explain that you were told you were too fat to go on a ride to your own child?

From the ashes, a phoenix shall rise …

I am devastated. The one and only part of this trip that I wanted to experience and my size kept me from it; my weight kept me from it. And I was made to go through this awful, humiliating, and embarrassing event that I then got the pleasure of reliving as I tried to explain it to my child.

I tried my best to hide my pain, though I did hide in the bathroom for awhile so I could cry and let it out. The irony that Moaning Myrtle was moaning in the bathroom as well, was not lost on me.

As I sat in that stall, listening to the cries of Moaning Myrtle, I realized that I had two roads open before me. I could let this experience devastate me, send me into a huge depression, ruin all things Harry Potter for me and keep me from doing other things in my life, or I could take this event and make it my catalyst. I could let the old me, the large me, the fat me, burn in the fire of that experience and from the ashes let rise a different me, a healthy me, a happy me and a content me.

From the ashes, a phoenix shall rise …

And so I have chosen the path of rebirth and renewal. I know the journey will not be easy. I know that the journey will be fraught with difficulties, blocks in my path, turns in the road, and even mini fires with other renewals, but I am determined to see the phoenix rise from these ashes!