Surgiversary!

So today is my Surgiversary! It has been a whole year!  HOLY COW!  And what a year and journey it has been.  It is special anniversaries like this that it is time to once again do progress pictures!

So without further ado ...

Phoenix Journey begins - January 2011

Day before Surgery - September 5, 2012

 

Moot 9 - October 13, 2012

5 Month Progress Pictures - February 6, 2013

 One Year Surgiversary Progress Pictures - September 6, 2013

Vitamin Check in!

So it has been two weeks since I got the results of my blood tests and upped my iron.  I didn't get the "prescription" iron till this last week, but I quadrupled my regular dose in the mean time.  There has already been a HUGE difference in my fatigue level.  Little things still exhaust me, but not the point of needing to take a three hour nap after.  I am able to get through most of my day with a dopio espresso to help with the energy level and taking breaks.  So all in all that is a win.

I am happy to say that I  have taken this seriously and have not missed any days on vitamins since the results came in.  I haven't been perfect, I have missed a few multi's here and there and taking my thyroid has been a crap shoot, but it is a positive change in the right direction. 

What I think is bothersome and needs to be looked at is the fact that I even let it get to this point.  I KNEW what I had to do, since long before I even had the surgery.  It was very very clear from the beginning, from even the orientation class. 

I knew it, I nodded, I bought the damn things, why did it take having plummeting lab results for me to get my ass in gear and take it seriously?  I mean, if you look back at past posts and check-ins, taking my vitamins regularly was ... well a regular issue.  So, why did it take something near catastrophic for this to wake me up?

The honest answer is that I think that is just how I am built.  It took some near catastrophic issues with my health  and horrible experiences at Harry Potter Land for me to decide to do something about my weight and health to begin with, so really why would this be any different?  There seems to be something about me that says that I have to learn from experience, rather than learning from others experiences or advice. 

And it's not just with my health that I seem to have to wait till things are crumbling before I get a clue.  It is that way in my life for work, care of the house, etc.  I will KNOW that I need to deal with issues or work on something specific, but its not till the last minute, till I am in crisis mode that I get around to it.

I am sure if I was still seeing my counselor, that this "revelation" would feed several sessions worth to reflect on.  *laughs*

I have spent two weeks beating myself up about the fact that I am a moron and let my levels slip this badly.  It is now time to get over it and move on.  So I learned my lesson.  The important thing is that I REALLY truly learn from this and not slip again in a month, two months or in two years.  As long as I get my levels back up, it doesn't do any permanent damage and I REALLY learn from this, then I need to let it go and move on.

More lab results

I got a call today from the clinic to say that they had gotten a chance to review all of my blood work and that there was more bad news than just my iron.

F-A-B-U-L-O-U-S!

So I have to start taking Vitamin A - 25000 unit 3 Xs a week and Zinc - 50 mg 3 Xs a week.  I am not quite clear how bad those were after looking at my labs, or what those low vitamin levels mean.  I will need to do some more research on that.

I also want to have someone at the support forum look at my lab results, as I have a sneaky suspicion that my Vitamin D is low too. 

Weigh In

So I haven't been great about journaling, but since I was told my labs sucked the big hairy one, I have been better about vitamins and protein.  Obviously my body is happy as it pulled me out of my latest stall and had a decent loss this week.

One would think I would know better by now ... one would be wrong.

So ... weigh in, check in!


Today's official weight:
Weight: 208.4
BMI: 34.1

Total Loss  107 pounds!

I a now officially in the first category of obese!  While not something most people would celebrate, I am celebrating since I was in the third category when I started.   So ... YAYAY!!  I am only obese!!  Woohooo!!!!

Goal for this week - same as before ... freaking journal!

Unintended and unexpected consequences

One of the many issues that happen for gastric bypass patients is malabsorption of nutrients.  This is by design. The whole point of the surgery actually is for malabsorption of calories and fat of the food that we eat.  Well that and making the actual stomach into a small pouch so you feel full with less than 1/2 cup of food.   The side effect to this is that not only are you not absorbing the calories and fat from the small amount of food that is being eaten, but you are also not absorbing as much of the vital nutrients that you need for your body's health.

Since we know we are not going to be able to get all our nutrients from food after bypass, we are required to take multi-vitamins and minerals for the rest of our lives to try and replace what we are not absorbing.  We also get blood work done every few months to make sure that we are doing ok, getting what we need, and are not falling into any danger zones with nutrients. This is just something you know and you sign up for when you have RNY surgery.

So I have not been feeling very well for about a month.  Not like I have been feeling "sick" or anything, just really REALLY tired.  I have felt like I was going through a chronic fatigue episode, one that just was really bad and I was going to have to fight through till it was over.  Well on the 2nd I had my year blood test (ok so it was my 9 month blood test which ended being the year blood test because I kept rescheduling it), and this past Friday the 9th, I got called from the doctor saying my iron was low and I needed to go on prescription supplements.  No big deal, right?  Just adjust the vitamins and supplements and go ...

Well in looking at the results from my blood work, I am not just a little low in my iron, I am DANGEROUSLY low.  And a few other areas are borderline!


Iron  Normal Range = 30 - 180 mcg/dL  My numbers: 31
Iron Saturation  Normal Range = 15-50 %  My Numbers: 7%
Ferritin  Normal Range = 6 - 170 ng/mL  My Numbers: 5

So what does that mean?  Well it obviously means that I have to get my iron up.  My protein levels are also borderline, so that needs to be taken care of ASAP.  It means that I have to make sure I am compliant with vitamins and minerals, no more screwing around and being lazy!

It also means that the consequences of the severe fatigue are going to be around for awhile.  And it is going to be extremely difficult to push through.  I am going to have to work really hard to keep upright, to do my job, to keep the house from falling apart and to keep sane.

Mini Quiche Recipe

Mini Quiche Recipe

5 eggs
1 cup shredded cheese (I've been using Swiss)
6 slices bacon (I've been using Morningstar Farms breakfast strips, which is not really bacon)
sprinkle of black pepper
sprinkle of garlic powder
sprinkle of oregano

Beat the eggs in a bowl.  Cook the bacon and crumble it up, then add that, the shredded cheese, and the pepper, garlic powder and oregano to the eggs and stir it well.  Spray a muffin tin with cooking spray and fill the muffin tin with the egg mixture.  I made six muffin-sized quiches with this recipe.  Bake for about 30 minutes at 350 degrees.
You can refrigerate leftovers and reheat them in the microwave in just a few seconds.

Disclaimer - I did not make this recipe up.  I found it posted on a Bypass forum and am posting so that I can remember it.  I will be making it tomorrow, so review to follow.

Weigh-In

Today's official weight:
Weight: 211.5
BMI: 34.6

Total Loss  103.9 pounds!

Support ...

Right after having surgery in September I started attending the in-person support group meetings held by my bariatric center of excellence.  I felt that it was an important part of my program and helpful for me to have the face to face support and check in with others on the same path.  However for the past 4 months I have not been going to Bariatric Support Groups (BSG) meetings.  There are a variety of reasons for my decisions to quit attending the BSG that I will go into in another post, but lets just say that it no longer provided me with the support that I needed.  

That was fine because in this day and age of the internet there are multiple online support forums that can help fill the void and I had joined three before surgery so I still had a place to go for support, advice and the push to stay on program.

Well for other separate reasons that have nothing to do with the in-person meetings, but were just as irksome, I have not been logging on to the online support groups either.  For awhile it didn't bother me that I was floating alone with no support.  I felt I was fine and that I had what I needed to be successful and didn't need the groups.  But now ... now I am finding that that is not necessarily true.

I wouldn't call myself lost or stumbling, but I found that without the support groups and talking with others that have had the surgery, that my focus has wandered.  I have not been as diligent to the program as I should be and I have been allowing myself to rely solely on my tool - the pouch, rather than just using it as an actual tool.

Now that I have moved, I no longer have in-person support groups that I can attend, even if I wanted to go back.  (Which I don't)  So I have been skimming and lurking the forums a bit more after realizing I missed the support.  The thing is that I am not yet comfortable returning to the presence that I had before.  So what does that mean for me?  Well if I am not comfortable with the old forums and support groups that I used to attend, then I need to look for a new place, a new home, a new group to call my own. After all I did all this work to get here, I need to set myself up for success.

100 BABY!!!!!

That is right, I am down 100 pounds since I started this journey in 2011!

I have to admit that I had a hard time believing the scale when I saw it today.  I had to get on it five times to make sure that it was 100% accurate and wasn't lying to me.  Those damn lying scales!  It has been a long, hard journey to get to this place, yet at the same time I am shocked.  I can't really put into words why I am shocked.  This is/was the plan and the whole reason why I had surgery. 

I guess it has more to do with the fact that it took so much work and so much time to get the damn 10% off before surgery, (which I didn't quite make, btw.) that its hard to believe that in less than a year from surgery I am now down 100 pounds.

So official Weigh-in time!

Today's official weight:
Weight: 214.6
 BMI: 35.2
Total Loss  100.8 pounds!

Conspicuously absent

I have a habit of posting quite a bit, then being gone for weeks to months at a time.  And I hit another one of those breaks about two months ago.  Though this time it wasn't because I wasn't doing what I was supposed to, but purely because I didn't feel any need to write or to update. 

I think that sometimes when I read other people's blogs, I secretly wish that I was a blog writer and that I had the following etc, and so then I start writing and posting for other people.  But that isn't being true to the intent of the blog.  And those that are truly good at what they are doing, don't post for anyone else anyway.  So the idea of not posting for myself just means I lose the reason why I have a blog to begin with.

Wow was that ever a convoluted paragraph.  But I understood it and that is all that matters.

Anyways ...

The whole point of this blog is FOR ME to chronicle my journey as I go through a process of rebirth and renewal to a happier and healthier me.   And it is ok if I don't write daily, weekly, or even for several months.  When I am ready, I will journal and chronicle the journey again. 

And now I am ready ...

Dealing with other post WLS

After having weight loss surgery in September, I was really worried about going out into the world and ... well eating and being.  I felt like I had a huge zoom lens on me, and that everyone else would be noticing how little or weirdly I ate.  This is not a strange or unusual feeling, in reading support forums, there are many people who feel this way for awhile.  They are petrified to go out, attend family functions, live life all because they are sure that everyone is going to notice that they are eating less and differently than everyone else.

In reality, hardly anyone notices anything at all.  The only time I had anyone comment about anything, was my first time out after surgery when I went to Denny's by myself and had "two eggbeaters with cheese".  I  was out of town with the Dwarf, but he was at work, and I needed protein and was only on soft foods at the time.  It was a great choice and worked perfectly, but since I was by myself, I had the waiter come to the table every 5 minutes asking if I needed anything, was I sure I didn't want something to drink, did I want a side of bread, was everything ok, since I was eating slowly.  Honestly, had I been with someone, the waiter wouldn't have cared a wit about what and how I was eating.   It was only obvious because I was by myself.

And at no other time has anyone said anything.

Until now.

I am 10 days shy of my 6 month mark now, so I have settled into something of a rhythm with life post bariatric, a routine.  Dare I say that I am actually comfortable with my new life, for the most part.  But while I am good with what I am doing,  the Dwarf Ranger is not.  And in the last few days, weeks even, I have been struggling with the Dwarf Ranger making a comment about what I am eating or the nutritional content of what I am eating.  And it is getting old and difficult to deal with.

I know that for him, it is coming from a place of love and concern.  This isn't a 1950's man who is looking disdainfully at his wife and clicking his tongue saying "a moment on the lips ..." or "are you sure you should have that?"  This is a man who has stood beside me through everything, was there for all of the pre-surgery BS, told me it was my decision, and was there through every single second of recovery and wants me to succeed.  This is a man who truly wants to help.

The problem is that no matter who you are, there is no tactful way to say, "Is that something you should be eating?" "Perhaps something with protein rather than that item that has no nutritional value would be a better choice" "Did you have your shake today?" "You might want to breathe in between bites." "Chewing not swallowing whole ..." or the myriad of other things that sometimes need to be said to help keep me from being my own worst sabatuer.  There just isn't.  Because anything you say, no matter how you say it, or how you couch it, comes accross to a person who has been fat their entire life as: "Hey  you!  Yes you, fat one!  Stop eating that fatso! No wonder your so fat!"

I think that sometimes harder than being the person with the weight issue is being the loved one of the person with the weight issue.  Because there is nothing and I do mean nothing that you can say or do that is the right thing.  You truly want to help, (Or at least my Dwarf Ranger does, I can't speak for others), but there is no way of doing so that doesn't make the person you are trying to help feel like crap or you feel like crap.  It is a trap.

Like now, my Dwarf Ranger said something about the choice of snack that I was putting in my mouth.  He was right, it wasn't a good choice in general.  However, I had purposefully made the choice to have this item and had made different food choices for the day to make up for this specific choice.  But he didn't know that and so therefor was right to question the choice.  But when I tried to explain, it put me on the defensive and made him apologetic.  And then no one felt good.

It's a trap.

I have to stop here, as I originally started this post to whine and complain about the Dwarf Ranger saying something about what I was eating and dealing with others scrutinizing my food choices. But just now the post warped into something completely different.  A realization that his position as a helper, as someone who stands beside me and faces the hell that is a life long battle with obesity and weight with me, is just as hellacious as my position as the one dealing with the problem; sometimes even more so as there is no way to ever win.

My head is spinning, as I wasn't expecting that turn. But I suppose that is the whole purpose of writing thoughts out, isn't it?  To muddle through things, think through things, and hopefully come out the otherside with a solution or a different view point ...

In this case, I am now realizing how hard it is to be the supporter from my Dwarf Ranger's point of view.  And that perhaps instead of getting angry, hurt or frustrated, that having an open dialogue about what I am thinking, my choices, and my health is the better option ...

Perhaps it doesn't have to be a trap.

Week 23 - Weigh In

Wow that last week went by fast.  I did a little bit better on a few things, but still not pulling in 100% or even 90% on any of the main basic issues that I need to be compliant on.   I could psycho-analize myself to death on this, but if I were to be 100% honest, I am just being lazy.  There is no excuse.

I have reminders on my phone, twice.  I have the vitamins set out.  I have the water ready to go.  I am talking about it here.  There is NO reason that this should be an issue.  Period. 

I have decided that I will no longer let this be an issue.  I will no longer struggle with these 4 things.  They WILL be apart of my daily routine, just like getting dressed and having coffee are.  That is just the way it will be from now on.

Period.



Today's official weight:
Weight: 228
BMI: 37.4

Total Loss  87.4 pounds!

Week 22 - Weigh In

How did I do last week.  Well I failed on the checking in more.  I pulled up the post to post twice, but found that I didn't know what to say.  But I did have stuff to say, I just didn't know how to put it into words that made sense in a format that was not in my head.

Did that make sense?

Anyway, checking in ...

I was only 50% compliant about my vitamins.  This should be a real concern, but to be honest, so far it isn't.  The fact that I was 50% compliant is a step up from where I was, but it really isn't good enough.  And this is not horseshoes or hand granades here.  This is serious shit, since I can't absorb all the vitamins in minerals in food.  I HAVE to be 100% compliant in this area, or there could be major health issues.  So why am I having an issue with this?

I think if I were to sit down on my counselor couch and think through it, its because 1. I haven't had a major health scare as a result of not having the right vitamins and minerals, so its hard to really get in my thick skull how important it is and 2. I am in the midst of rebelling against pretty much anything I HAVE to do.

Well that's a bit toddlerish, me thinks.  Its time to pull my big girl panties up and just do the work and be compliant.

Water - nope.  about 40 ounces on a good day.

Protein - I didn't track food every day, oops that was #4, but I did 50% of the time and I was over 80 grams each day.  This is probably the only thing I am doing decently at.

And yeah ... tracking food.  50% of the time I got this one.  But!  That is better than 0.  And for this one, I will take it as a win.

So what did that mean for the week?

Today's official weight:
Weight: 230
BMI: 37.7

Total Loss  85.4 pounds!

Not bad.  Slow and steady.  But again, I think it could be better.

5 Month Progress Pictures

So today is my 5 month Surgiversary!  I have to say, I can't believe that it has been 5 months already!  It has actually gone by pretty quickly.

There is more than one way to track progress.  So far, I have only been tracking progress through weight and BMI, but since that can stall, not be accurate, not give the full picture, I need to look at other ways to track my progress, such as pictures.

So without further ado ...

Phoenix Journey begins - January 2011

Day before Surgery - September 5, 2012

 

5 Month Progress Pictures - February 6, 2013

Week 21 - Weigh In

Today's official weight:
Weight: 231.2
BMI: 37.9

Total Loss  84.2 pounds!

I am now a class 2 Obese person instead of a class 3 - super obese!  I know that sounds weird to celebrate, but since I started off the charts at a BMI of over 50, its something!

I am moving along slowly.  I will admit that while I was happy with another two pound loss this week, that when I logged on to one of my online support forums today, I got upset about my slower loss compared to other posters.  I know very well that I shouldn't be comparing myself to others.  I have preached to others who have complained about this very thing that this is our own journey, no one else's, and we shouldn't compare ourselves to what others are doing.  But, even though I have said and meant this before, I have fallen into the same trap.

In talking with my wonderful love, who is the most amazing cheering and support section there ever was, he agreed that I am doing well and need to not stress about the weight loss.  We knew that this was going to be slow, I don't have a normal metabolism and weight loss is a slow painful process for me.  After all, this is why I had the surgery, right?

Right.

BUT he also pointed out that I haven't been as good on my vitamins or water.  If I am worried or concerned about how things are going, I need to refocus my energies on following the plan. 

So back to basics ...
Vitamins daily
Water - this week lets work on 60 ounces daily
Protein - 80 grams per day.
Track food and water intake with my fitness pal app.

And to insure compliance, checking in twice per week

Here is to a great week!

Protein Shakes - take 325

I talked previously about protein shakes and how frustrating it was finding something that wasn't too sweet, now that my taste buds have changed, and that would not make Ms. Pouch feel ooky.  I think in my search, I have tried pretty much every known protein, that is suitable for gastric bypass patients, known to man.  And let me tell you, if you are one that ends up with sensitive taste buds, it will not be an easy process to find something that works.  You will be tempted to give up the search many times.  I know I was, and actually did for a little while, but finding the right protein supplement will really make a difference in the long run.  So stick with it. 

What finally worked for me was thinking outside of the box and what was normal for me.  I was so stuck on trying to find a chocolate protein drink, since that is what I was doing before surgery and I love chocolate, that I pretty much neglected any other options.  It wasn't till it was pointed out that I could get an unflavored protein and add it to some fruit that the light bulb finally went on in my head.

What is currently working for me is using a frozen berry and yogurt mix that Yoplait has available in the frozen food section. 

It is made with greek yogurt, upping the protein content, a big plus!  And is not too sweet.  I use Silk Soy milk now rather than the almond milk I was using in previous shakes, as it has more protein per 8 oz, again upping the protein content.  Also I was getting ooky stomachs with some of the protein shakes I made with almond milk. Whether that was the protein or the almond milk, I never did quite figure out, BUT the soy milk has 5 more grams of protein per 8 ounces, so its the clear winner.  Finally, I add a scoop of unflavored protein.  I have tried three different brands and so far they have all sat fine with Ms. Finicky Pouch.  So since she doesn't seem to be picky with the unflavored (so far) I go with the one that gives me the biggest protein bang. 

This drink can give me anywhere from 35 - 43 grams of protein, depending on the stats of the unflavored protein that I am using.  Since that is nearly half of my minimum protein for the day, having finally found this drink makes me exceptionally happy.

Notes - I don't know if its the content of the yoplait stuff or my blender, (I use a Blendtec blender) but it does blend up very very floofy.  Because of this, it can take me upwards of an hour to an hour and a half to drink the entire thing.  Since it is so high in protein and I have heard that GBP people can't absorb more than 30 grams of protein at one time, I am quite ok with it taking me so long to get through it.  I figure the longer it takes, the more likely I am to actually be absorbing all of the protein.

For people who dump, this is probably not a very good option.  The berries and whatever added stuff that yoplait puts in these pouches make the carb count high and the sugar is a whoping 12 grams.  I don't dump (a good and bad thing) so I am able to tolerate this, and for whatever reason, this does not taste overly sweet to me.  All the protein drinks, shakes, mixes, etc that I tried were so sickly sweet it was like drinking syrup.  This drink is not like that for me. 

Finally, it is VERY pricy, no way around it.  I am paying for the soy milk, the protein powder, and the mixed berries yoplait mix thingy.  It is probably close to $4.00 a drink.  But I figure that if I never blinked an eye at paying that much for coffee ... something that is so nutritionally packed and good for me post surgery really shouldn't bother me to pay that much for it.  (It does, but I am working on it.)

For me, this solution is one that I am not really questioning too much (other than the price).  It's not the best option, but after what was a long, excruciating search to find something that works, is tasty, and doesn't give me ooky stomach, I am going to go with it.