Rebirth ... Again ...

Obviously it has been far too long since I have checked in.  I could give all sorts of excuses about how hectic things are with my mother, with personal issues, and with work; but the reality is that stuff is always happening in life that makes things hectic.  I just didn’t choose to make writing a priority. 

That time is in the past.

I have periodically checked in with mileage updates and such, but nothing more than that.  Honestly it was probably because I didn’t want to put into words that I had stopped doing just about anything with regards to becoming healthier.  I had let the events of last April side track me.  I let myself slip down that very slippery slope of self-pity and stopped working out, stopped eating right, stopped tracking, stopped just about anything.  I always said, “I can have this because my dad died”, or “because I feel sorry for this” or “because my nail broke” or whatever excuse I could come up with at the time.  And each time, I would say that I would “start a new tomorrow.” 

I haven’t lost ground, but I advanced much either during that year of sabotage and self-pity.   That is to say that I am basically the same weight as a year ago,  give or take a pound or two.  Which is good in some respect, I guess.  Because with everything going on, it is honestly amazing that I didn’t gain another 30 – 50 pounds in emotional eating. 

But really, it’s just sad that an entire year was wasted.  And it took flying on another airplane, being stuffed into a Barbie seat, and having to spend four days with my sister-in-law in Vegas, who is in control of her health and happy with her body, for me to snap out of it and realize that I am the only one that can facilitate the change. 

It is time.

I am not sure how many rebirths a Phoenix can have before they actually make it to full fledged adult hood, but apparently for me it is at least three. The nice thing about being a Phoenix, is I can always start again and remake myself if I stumble and fall.  

The Road Goes Ever On, just sometimes you stumble off the trail and get lost in the Old Forest for awhile.  Well, I have finally found my way back to the road and its time to start again!